I know this sounds crazy.

But I think I’ve uncovered incontrovertible evidence that Consumer Reports has hired Donald Trump. I don’t know for sure whether he’s actually a paid member of the staff, or merely moonlighting as a consultant pulling in a little extra pocket change between tweetstorms. But I do know that handiwork bearing his imprint is on display by CR at several prominent websites.

It takes the form of qualifications for a job opening at Consumer Reports. Although it lacks any reference to witch hunts or fake news, there is no doubt that it could only have been authored by earth’s sole orange-tinted, stable genius.

I dare you to read this gibberish and tell me that it is not the work of the Covfefe Colluder. (This exact ad appears at ConsumerReports.org, LinkedIn, GlassDoor and ZipRecruiter .)

That Consumer Reports would hire Donald Trump to write ad copy is not as far-fetched as you might think. Since the beloved institution butchered its Editorial Division a few years back by vilifying and sacking many of its best editors and writers, in order to hire cheap, young labor, its executive ranks have been sprinkled with an assortment of semi-literate abusers and con artists who would be right at home these days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Maybe Trump-style word salad is the kind of fare the bosses at Consumer Reports think their coveted millennials yearn to read. Although CR’s current declining readership and revenue would indicate the opposite.

Better Consumer Reports should advertise for this new job opening:

Help Wanted: Executive with the common sense to assign copy editors to review all public materials before they are published worldwide and embarrass the organization.

–Jeff Fox